I got back from taking a trip with a friend to Goa and Pune, the goal was to improve our game and get laid and slay . .which didn’t work out for either of us but we had some fun, the change of places is just good somehow.
So being sad in here comes from the fact that I failed at my game which then reminds of me of other things I am currently very bothered about. As I was spending the time with this sadness I thought I should take notes for a post on this. Sadness is not a single emotion or feeling, it works together with a lot of other things, anxiety, bad memories and experiences and fear of being stuck where you are forever or for a really long time, fear that you might give up and a strange twinge of “time is running out”.
Add to that not taking action or enough action and in my case daydreaming.
Feeling teased by other people’s success was never or maybe used to be a problem I guess, now I am over that. I have spent enough time in this life analyzing capitalism and now other people’s success just feels good for everyone—the real
greater greatest good there is.
Like all other things in the human body there’s definitely a physical component present, some hormone or chemical. No wonder that on days when I lift the sadness is to a minimum and everything just feels great, hopeful, the challenges of life seem beatable.
So what made me sad you ask?
I am failing at game, stuck in a low paying job where I am not learning new skills, got exams to clear and courses to attend to move further in my career, got to find a better job to both learn and earn better, my old outdated smartphone is just a pain to use and to replace which I have no means, my wardrobe looks so poor, don’t feel like leaving the house, just realized paying for the exams is going to be a hassle in itself too. And in the long run I want to move out of the country for work.
This is not to vent my problems, this is just an example to make you understand what a set of issues would look like, sure you got something worse going on for you this. And if you are into game, then this is practically your life.
Now going back to the how sadness works from above:
- anxiety – guess this is just coming from the game part, where i still get AA talking to random girls.
- fear – that the above will always be the case or for a long time, similarly the same goes for my job change and exam plans
- experiences – negative ones, both mine and others which offer nothing more than just “could have done this instead of that” streams of thought.
- “time is running” – this now is giving me an idea for a new post, so i’ll link it when that’s up.
- action – you could be taking action but not the correct action or you be taking the simplest form of action just to keep telling yourself that you really are moving mountains. This is tricky. Or you could be taking action to solve one of your problems which requires easier action than the other. Like i am investing 2hrs daily in the gym post work to meet my physical goals and patting myself on the back for it, while i am aware as of this writing i need to invest time in studying to clear the certification exams which would demand a little unpleasant action on my part like studying.
- daydreaming – this i am sure is a serious fucking issue for me and for many others. This is when i get back from the gym on my weight lifter’s high and play ACDC’s HELL’S BELLS and 2PAC’s wonder why they call you bitch while watching a movie about how glorious and amazing my future will be in a high paying job in some western country where after work i’ll be slaying < decade older chicks after work and sending them home by 22:00 because I gotta read a little and sleep by 23:00. . best by 23:15. And this adds to sadness when you see on the watch that you were only daydreaming for past one and a half hour while you could have invested it in a better way.
Understanding sadness is enough for one post, i’ll keep overcoming it for another. The one word hint is : Plan.